Mother's Day & Miscarriages: How to Support Mothers Who Have Lost Pregnancies on Mother's Day
Mother’s Day can be difficult for many, but it can be excruciating for those who are have experienced a miscarriage. Many people who are trying to grow their family but have been through pregnancy loss experience this holiday as a harsh reminder of that loss. Unfortunately, Mother’s Day can feel particularly isolating, especially if the person doesn’t yet have other children.
If you have a friend or family member who has gone through a pregnancy loss, it may be difficult to know what to do or say, particularly around this time of year. That’s why we’ve gathered some helpful tips to help you support mothers in your life who have lost pregnancies on Mother’s Day.
Ahead of Mother’s Day, ask your friend how they’re feeling and if there is a way you can support them. They may not want to talk about the holiday, and that’s all right. If they would rather not discuss it, then it’s important to respect their wishes.
But if your friend or family member does want to talk about how to handle Mother’s Day, they might be willing to be open with you about what kind of support they need. Perhaps they’d like to spend the day grieving, either alone or with a supportive presence. They may want to spend some time with you. Or, it’s possible that they might want to do something, such as watching a movie or going on an outing, that takes their mind off the holiday.
Whatever their answer, be ready to show up for them and offer your support. It’s important to accept your friend’s answer, and then work to deliver to the best of your ability.
Let Them Know You’re Thinking About Them
Because it’s common for mothers who have experienced a miscarriage to feel especially lonely or sad on Mother’s Day, it might be a good idea to let your friend or family member know you’re thinking about them. Call, text, email, or even consider sending them a card.
Keep your message short and sweet. You could try saying something like, “Hey, it’s Mother’s Day. I wanted to let you know that I’m thinking about you. Let me know if I can do anything for you today.”
Simply letting them know they’re in your thoughts can make a powerful positive impact on their day.
Skip Sending the Cute Pictures… Unless They Ask
If you have children of your own, especially if they’re close in age to what their child might have been, skip sending pictures of your kids directly to them. If they ask to see, that’s different. But, it can come across as insensitive to send pictures to others if they haven’t asked.
Consider resisting the temptation to overshare pictures of your kids on social media this Mother’s Day, as well. Keep photos to a minimum and consider posting a kind message in support of mothers who have experienced miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant loss. While there’s nothing wrong with sharing your life and your appreciation on social media, you can also use your platform to help others feel seen.
Consider Sending a Gift
On Mother’s Day, it may be appropriate to send your loved one a sympathy gift. You could send flowers or even a small token they can keep. There are many options you might consider in order to help your loved one feel supported, both on Mother’s Day and beyond.
One option could be our Giving Heart Weighted Pillow, which many recipients find comforting. When someone’s loss and sense of emptiness are feeling profound, a weighted pillow can give them something soft to hold. These pillows are great for adults, but they can also be comforting for siblings in the wake of a miscarriage.
Another popular option for people who have experienced miscarriage is our Always Near Memorial Necklace. This gift is a small but meaningful token your loved one can keep with them always. Like the memory of their child, it can always be with them if they choose.
Most of all, let your loved one know that you understand the loss and see their pain. For many people, it’s too easy to shy away from discussing a loved one’s miscarriage with them. But showing them you’re here and you empathize can make all the difference in how they experience Mother’s Day this year.
Be Careful What You Say
When you speak with a mother who has experience miscarriage, it’s importnat to be careful what you say to them. Well-meaning words can hurt, so being mindful of your speech is incredibly crucial. You don’t want to inadvertently make your friend or family member feel worse, especially if you’re trying to make the day easier on them.
Here are a few example of things you shouldn’t say to someone who has miscarried:
- “At least you have one healthy baby. Be thankful you have them!” Statements like this minimize the loss and imply that grief over a miscarriage means the person is ungrateful for any living children they may have. As a result, they may feel shame for grieving their loss.
- “Everything happens for a reason.” Saying this to any grieving person is hurtful and invalidates their experience.
- “You can always have another.” This isn’t necessarily the case. Some people are never able to have children of their own.
- “At least you didn’t lose them once they were here.” Even if the baby wasn’t born yet, the mother felt their presence and loss profoundly.
- “Don’t worry; you’ll be a mother one day.” Many already see themselves as mothers, even if the pregnancy was lost. And, just as many worry they’ll never be able to carry a pregnancy to term.”
People who have experienced miscarriage need special love and support on Mother’s Day. If you’re offering your support to a loved one, remember to ask what they need, let them know you’re thinking about them, be sensitive to spotlighting your own children, and be careful what you say.
If you’d like to send your loved one a gift in memory of their pregnancy loss, we have a number of comforting items to choose from. Click here to select a gift that’s right for your loved one this Mother’s Day.
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