When someone you love is facing a cancer diagnosis, it's hard to know what to do or say. You want to help, but don't want to overwhelm them and a bunch of flowers doesn't feel enough.
For cancer patients navigating this difficult time, the most important thing is knowing they have genuine support.
Alex Simms, creator of the podcast Cancer Cured Me offers 10 practical ways to support those going through cancer.
"When people were practical, it changed everything."
How to Help Someone With Cancer: 10 Practical Support Ideas
Supporting cancer patients goes a long way beyond kind words. These practical ideas can help make their everyday life easier and show genuine care during their cancer experience.
1. Offer practical help – not vague offers
Rather than saying "Let me know if you need anything", offer something specific:
- "I'll drop off a cooked meal on Tuesday – is there anything you can or can't eat?"
- "Can I pick up the kids from school one day this week and take them for a playdate?"
2. Drop in (with permission) – but don't expect to be entertained
Sometimes, just showing up to do a bit of housework, bring coffee or fold laundry can be the biggest gift. If it feels appropriate, say:
"I'd love to come over, tidy up a bit and keep you company – but I'll totally respect if you'd rather rest or be alone."
A tidy home or clean sheets can do wonders for how you feel!
3. Set up a Meal Train or support schedule
Organize a Meal Train (there are free online tools for this – www.mealtrain.com, www.lotsahelpinghands.com) where friends and family sign up to provide meals, snacks, transport or even essentials like toilet paper or toothpaste.
It takes the pressure off having to think about cooking or asking for help.
4. Create a lift-share schedule for appointments
Ask if they'd like help with transport to chemo, radiotherapy, or other medical appointments. Then quietly coordinate a rota with their permission, so they don't have to manage the logistics.
5. Think of the children (or pets!)
Offer to take the kids for an afternoon, help with homework or give them a fun distraction. If they have a pet, offer to walk the dog or clean out the litter tray – the little things matter.
6. Don't expect replies – send love anyway
If you're messaging or checking in, let them know there's absolutely no pressure to reply. Sometimes just receiving the love and knowing people are thinking of you is enough.
7. Respect their energy
Their social battery might be low, or they might not have the capacity to talk. Try saying:
"I'm here when you need me – no pressure at all. Just sending love and light your way."
8. Keep things normal too
Yes, they've had a big diagnosis – but they're still them. Share light-hearted things, a silly meme, or a funny story if that feels like something they'd normally enjoy.
9. Check in again… weeks later
Support often pours in right after the news, then trickles away. Mark your diary to check in a month later, three months later – because that's often when it feels loneliest. Processing what's happened after all the treatment can be the toughest time – be sure to reach out and offer support.
10. Hold space – not solutions
Sometimes the best thing you can do is just be there. No advice. No silver linings. Just sitting with them in whatever they're feeling. That presence, without pressure, is powerful.
By Alex Simms
I am the host of the positive, uplifting podcast, Cancer Cured Me. It's not about cancer, but about all the wonderful changes and new way of living I discovered after facing a harrowing diagnosis.
I help lead others through many wonderful healing modalities, share uplifting stories and offer hope that what you've gone through was for a reason and there is an exciting new life waiting for you on the other side.
Please feel free to take a listen or share with your friend if you feel called to:
💫Click here to listen on Apple Podcasts
Want a free grounding meditation which can be used to offer calm before surgery or treatment?
Just email Alex at alex@balancedbodyandretreats.com or dm her on Instagram @cancercuredme and she'll send it right over.
What to Say to Someone With Cancer: 10 Meaningful Phrases
Not know what to say to someone with cancer can feel awkward and overwhelming. Saying the wrong thing is a common fear, but offering emotional support doesn't require perfect words.
Here are heartfelt phrases that can make a big difference:
- "I'm thinking of you and sending love." - Simple, genuine, no pressure to respond
- "You don't have to go through this alone." - Offers ongoing support throughout their cancer journey
- "I'm here to listen whenever you need to talk." - Provides a listening ear and safe space for emotions
- "What you're feeling right now is completely valid." - Validates their experience as a normal response to serious illness
- "I love you exactly as you are today." - Reinforces unconditional love, even on bad days
- "Would you like company, or would you prefer space right now?" - Respects their current needs and quality of life
- "I'm proud of how you're handling this." - Acknowledges their strength during tough times without toxic positivity
- "Thank you for trusting me with how you're feeling." - Shows appreciation when a close friend or family member opens up
- "I'm not going anywhere – I'll be here every step of the way." - Promises consistent support throughout their cancer care
- "You're still you, and that's exactly who I care about." - Reminds them their identity hasn't changed, maintaining a sense of normalcy
What Should You Not Say to Someone With Cancer?
Avoid phrases that minimize their experience or offer unsolicited advice. Don't say "everything happens for a reason," "stay positive," or "I know how you feel." These comments, while well-intentioned, can make the person feel worse. Instead of trying to offer advice or false hope, focus on listening and offering genuine support without trying to fix their situation.
How Do You Comfort Someone Going Through Cancer Treatment?
The best comfort comes from consistent presence and practical help. Offer specific assistance like meals, transportation, or childcare. Respect their energy levels and understand that possible side effects like hair loss or weight loss may affect how they feel about themselves. Don't expect entertainment when visiting, and continue checking in weeks and months later when initial support often fades away.
What to Text Someone with Cancer?
Keep messages simple and pressure-free. Try: "Thinking of you today," "No need to reply - just sending love," or "Here if you need anything specific." Avoid asking "How are you?" unless you're prepared for an honest answer. Consider that they might be dealing with different parts of the body being affected, and a simple text can provide comfort without overwhelming them.
Additional Support Resources
For cancer patients and their families, there are many good options for additional support:
- Support Groups : Connecting with others who understand the cancer experience can provide emotional support and practical ideas
- Cancer Council : Offers a cancer helpline and range of support services
- Cancer Care Organizations : Provide information about new treatments and support services
- Mental Health Professionals : Can help process the emotional impact of a cancer diagnosis
Remember, whether it's a close family member, close friend, or someone you've known for a long time, your genuine care and consistent support can make a real difference in their cancer journey. The nature of your relationship will guide the best ways to help, but even small gestures from a caring person can provide hope during their toughest moments.
Supporting someone through cancer requires knowing the right time to speak and act. Here are the most helpful things to remember:
What to Say: Finding the right words matters - use supportive phrases like "I'm thinking of you," "You don't have to go through this alone," and "I'm here to listen" while avoiding toxic positivity or unsolicited advice. Being a good listener and giving your full attention can make a huge difference in how a friend feels.
How to Help Practically: Offer specific assistance through practical ways like meal trains, transportation to appointments, childcare, and everyday things rather than vague offers of help.These simple acts and practical things can greatly ease the practical effects of cancer on their daily life.
Long-term Support : Continue checking in on a regular basis weeks and months after diagnosis when initial support fades, respect their energy levels during good days and difficult times, and simply be present without trying to fix their situation. Sometimes the most helpful things are just being there and offering a helping hand at the right time.
